Couples
Ok, you finally stopped drinking or drugging... maybe gone to treatment... hopefully have become active in a recovery program. But you and your spouse just can't seem to move beyond the hurt.
Or perhaps you have finally seen the day you had begun to think would never happen. Your spouse has finally done some of those things mentioned above... Most importantly they aren't using anymore, but why are things between you still filled with all that pain?
Couples.
They come in all shapes and sizes. But no matter what they look like, addiction can devastate them. Addiction is the great leveler which renders all relationships as equal and the same. When addiction strikes, what happens to a couple? In couples where one partner is using and the other is not, spouses usually develop over-functioning and under-functioning roles. One would think that once an alcoholic or addict enters recovery the picture would become perfect. But the truth of the matter is, it usually doesn't at first. As a couple, how do you make sense of that? The positives are obvious. Your partner is sober! So why aren't things turning out better?
How does a couple make the transition from having to cope with their partner’s addiction toward a relationship that does not include drinking or drugging? How do they take the next step? One thing couples must remember is that recovery is a joint venture. The once-using spouse cannot be expected to shoulder the entire weight of stabilizing the couple’s newly defined relationship.
When all is said and done, making any partnership work requires effort--and a lot of it. Even the best relationships are subject to a seemingly never-ending process of resettling. In the case of couples where there has been alcohol or drug abuse, this resettling can stand out in high relief because the changes a couple experiences in the shift from abuse to sobriety can be very dramatic. That is why it remains crucial for these couples to understand that abstinence is just the beginning in the journey towards creating a more fulfilling and expansive life—both as an individual and as a couple.
What sets us apart from other Treatment Facilities is that we offer simultaneous substance abuse treatment for couples, Anger Management for Couples, Domestic Violence for Couples from the Holistic Approach. We believe that treating both partners together is beneficial to their successful recovery process. We feel that the couples can and will support each other and learn the steps they need to take for a successful recovery that leads to a stronger relationship.
In most treatments centers facilities, couples cannot participated together and in the few that do, cost can be exorbitant and therefore impossible to afford for those in recovery. At Hope and Grace, we offer this services to our active clients free of charge. We also offer to non-active clients a low cost classes, a very affordable fees. Include in this 12 weeks Project, is group support session, (we only take five couples per sessions) (Spanish or English session groups) Individual session, individual couples sessions, parenting and also an after care program.
Why is our Concern?
Marriages are severely afflicted and even destroyed by the presence and processes of addiction, Domestic Violence and Anger, and frequently by the combination of addictions of drugs or alcohol. To create or rebuild such a broken marriage, not only does the addiction or "flawed solution" have to be removed, but also the resultant co-dependency, co-addiction and
couple-shame have to be removed.
Our Recovering Couples Project stresses the idea, And concurs, that recovery is a three-ways process that includes your recovery, your partner's recovery, and your recovery as a couple. While it is possible for two partners to achieve a solid recovery independent of one another, that alone will not guarantee the establishment of a Healthy Relationships. Hope and Grace strive to help teach a couple to integrate each one's personal recovery with the partner's recovery so that the healing of the relationship also occurs. All of this is done from the Holistic Approach.
Think about this...
Although addicts and co-addicts benefit tremendously from their individual recovery work, that progress doesn't necessarily translate into improvement for the relationship. Twelve Step meetings deal with the problems of individuals, not couples. If one spouse vents about a relationship issue, he or she receives support for his/her individual side, which often does little more than reinforce a self-righteous belief in a particular position. Without getting help for problems as a
couple, most relationships continue to deal with strong feelings of loss, hurt, and grief about their relationship as couple. Relationship difficulties and problems can't be solved by working separately outside of a relationship.
Individual emotional, mental, and spiritual health in each spouse won't ensure that a couple creates a healthy relationship. Many assume that as each partner becomes healthier individually, the marriage bond gets stronger. Not necessarily. Individual health, in fact, can be troubling and divisive in a relationship. Change in one or both spouses threatens the relationship status quo. Old patterns of relating don't work anymore (as if they ever did).
Something to consider…
Couple recovery skills are just that: couple recovery skills. Both partners must turn their attention to the collective identity known as the marriage or legal union or partnership. Remember, we learn to have healthy relationships by working on our marriage relationship as a couple. The good news is this: When both spouses/partners are committed to working on their marriage/relationship as a couple, God/ or their Higher Power can bring about amazing healing.
At Hope and Grace Couples in Recovery workshops/classes can be one tool in that process. No matter the degree of difficulty or dysfunction you may be experiencing in your marriage, there is always HOPE and by the GRACE of God or your Higher Power you can restore your relationship